On not having my dream wedding, why I fooled myself into thinking eloping was a good idea and our plans now...
I'm not going to delve into everything on here but a lot has been going on in my personal life lately, many of which are things that are beyond my control. It's why I've had a massive detox, why I've avoided some parts of my life and why I'm trying to learn to just relax. It's made me re-evaluate certain aspects of my life a little bit and think about things that are important to me. One of which is my wedding day. It's just one little part of the equation, but one of the things that I should, in theory, be able to control.
Planning for a wedding is a lot harder than I ever imagined it would be. The hardest part is coming to terms with the fact that you can't have that dream wedding you always dreamt about when you were a kid. The venue searching in terms of affordability versus availability gets tiresome and you just begin to feel hopeless. It's not easy being a bride-to-be.
You may remember a while ago I spoke about our plans to elope and run off to Bali to get married. I sounded excited at the prospect but in reality this just wasn't the case. I'd attempted to fool myself into thinking it was the perfect idea. The practical wedding to solve all of our problems - only it didn't, and I was naive to think I could forget about that beautiful barn style wedding I'd dreamt about since I was a little girl. It wasn't just the venue that was important to me - I loved the idea of a traditional wedding. I wanted those I love around me to share it with, to see the look on Jordan's face when I walked down the aisle, I wanted bridesmaids, speeches and toasts, to throw my bouquet into the crowd, to party the night away. I loved the idea of it all.
It was only when people kept telling me to "do it your way..." that I began to realise just how important a wedding in the UK really was. The people who said that perhaps thought that a tropical wedding in Bali was what I really wanted and that I was questioning things because of comments from family members, but that wasn't the case. "You can't please everybody" was another comment which is true because you can't, but what about pleasing me?
I think Jordan would have loved that barn style wedding with the fire pits outside and the hog roast too, but it would have meant giving up our honeymoon at least and that's where we both draw the line, hence the initial decision to elope.
So now we've decided to make it work - our traditional wedding in the UK. Wish us luck.